4 steps to master the art of flirting

Cultural anthropologist, flirting coach and founder of Flirtology, Jean Smith, is dedicated to bringing a scientific approach to the art of flirting. With regular sell-out tours, she has worked with a number of brands, including TedX on the science of flirting. Read her tips on how to really ‘Put down your phone and flirt’ ahead of her session at Stylist Live this November.

The mere thought of flirting with someone face to face is enough to send many people running in the opposite direction of someone they fancy. ‘How do I approach? What do I say? What if it goes badly?’ Even, ‘What if it goes well?!’

This potential encounter is seemingly fraught with expectation and confusion, with landmines lurking in every corner. No wonder we are often pulled to the perceived safety of our phones. After all, how much embarrassment can a screen cause us compared to a real-life experience? And, more importantly, how do you perceive the act of flirting itself?  If your current attitude is that it’s only done by people on Saturday nights, in low-cut tops with lots of giggling and pouting, then it’s no surprise that you are probably choosing stasis.

But what if you could find a way to express interest, without feeling embarrassed and without the fear of rejection. You know, so you didn’t have to rely on your phone to get you dates…you could get them yourself!

This is where Flirtology comes in: Flirtology is a fun, efficient, and scientifically researched approach to the important skill of flirting. Its focus is on how to connect with others; from the person at the supermarket checkout to the person at the networking event. Besides, is it easier to try out your flirting technique on those rare occasions, when faced with someone who makes your heart race? Or, what if in your daily life you’ve already been taking these small steps. So, when encountered with Mr. Handsome it’s just you again, talking to people.

Flirtology is about starting simply, with a single question. How are we going to find love if we are hesitant about even simple interactions?

Don’t think about flirting as a big thing, just think of it as a few simple steps.

1. Change the line at which you decide that you ‘like’ someone.

A quick glance around the room doesn’t tell you much about whom you will and won’t connect with. Wait until you’ve asked everyone one question before deciding this.

2. Ask them a question.

Think you need to come up with the best question ever? Or a zingy one-liner? No, but you do need to ask them something. To learn more about how this is done (and to practice) join my Fearless Flirting Tours. Am I being coy? Of course, I am!

3. Assess.

Most people forget this part. Approach, ask a question, and then leave a space to assess the other person’s response. It’s here that you can tell if your approach was well received. If it was, ask another question. If it wasn’t, move on to the next step.

4. Graceful Exit.

Just as you are free to ask a question, the other person is free to respond however they’d like. And, while people are usually happy to talk, their might be occasions when it’s not good timing for them. So, if at any point either of you are finished, then you make a graceful exit and move on. No problem, no worries.

And that’s how the whole thing starts; one simple question. Come join us: put down your phone and flirt!

Jean joins us on Friday 10 November with her session ‘Put Down Your Phone And Flirt: The lost art of human communication’ on our SPARK stage, ahead of the release of her new book, ‘Flirtology: Stop Swiping, Start Talking and Find Love’ in February.

Stylist Live brings everything you love about Stylist magazine to life across three days of experts, interviews, comedy, food, beauty and fashion exclusives.

10 -12 November, Olympia London.

Book tickets now.